Oh Captain. My Captain.

Up until recently, Ive always fallen under the "good leader, GREAT follower" category. I never really cared for that spotlight, nor did I want that responsibility. Why? Because with responsibility comes the pressure of blame and example.

Moses and the Jews. Desert is spelled with one "S" because I dont want more than one.

Steven Seagal in Executive Decision. Why do I have to take point?!? Send B.D. Wong up there first. I cant do a roundhouse kick in that small tube!

Kobe. Ok, so Pig Miller and Devean can use their fame to their advantage, but hitting on the help during rehab is rape?!? (personal note: Yes)

In fact, I remember the first time I was put in a leadership role. I dont know what my 3rd grade teacher was thinking, but she put me in charge of a classroom full of my fellow 3rd graders while she stepped out for a few minutes. At the time, I was excited. Finally, I can make my presence known and establish some dominance. "Alex Santee, stay within the lines when you color!" "Leslie Kim, stop fiddling with your Pochacco pencil box and pay attention." All orders I saw myself giving in my inaugural minute as The Boss.

Unfortunately, things didnt go as planned.

The minute my teacher stepped out, I was bombarded with requests to go to the bathroom. And I of course didnt, nay, COULDNT deny them. I was sending my people to the bathroom like the smell of the urinal and the color of the tiles were on tomorrows test. Not wanting my people to suffer I was letting them go 2-3 people at a time. I was under the impression that I was doing a good job making sure that my peoples bladders were empty before our journey of a thousand milss began.

Little did I know that 3rd graders can be such deceptive bastards. They werent going to the bathroom!! We found Becky Wood and Denise Santos pushing each other on the swings. Nick Sifrit and Kacey Jay tied Jason Norres to the tetherball pole. There were a group of girls playing hopscotch and another group of boys playing caroms behind the shed where we kept all our balls.

I felt like Miss Piggy Tits from Lord of the Flies and everyone was throwing rocks at me!!

Nonetheless, order was restored once the teacher returned. She looked at me like it was my fault. In hindsight, how irresponsible was it to put a 3rd grader in charge of 3rd graders?!?

She shouldve thought it out better and at least left me with a gun


-M.Natti