Stole this "12 Apostle" idea from my girlfriend.
Who I would have at my "Last Supper":
1. Kevin Smith as Silent Bob. His only words for the night would be the speech right before we end the evening. It'll be the most prolific thing any of us have ever heard. The rest of the time he'll be making stupid faces and pantomiming dick and fart jokes.
2. Quentin Tarantino. He'll turn our 30 minute supper into an +2 hour movie of individual monologues touching on everything from Howard Sterns penis to WKRP in Cincinnati.
3. Brian K. Vaughan. Maybe he'll name a character after me in one of his comic books or on LOST.
4. A Zombie. The traditional kind that cant run and can only limp, but he'd have to have been wearing a suit when he became a zombie. If youre going to bleed on the table or try to eat my guests at least look nice doing it. Also, I always wanted to know if I can dodge an attack by one.
5. Keri Hilson. "Miss Keri, Baaaaby." You see the "Knock You Down" vid? Personality for daaaaaaaaays.
6. Michael Jordan. I'd love to be in the presence of greatness Maybe he can give me a pair of Gray 4's.
7. Lupe Fiasco. Id request for "Hurt Me Soul" to be performed strictly in acapella as he stared into my eyes. Oh, thats not gay at all.
8. Jazz from Transformers. The only robot Ive ever wanted to be in. Thats not gay either.
9. Natalie Portman from Garden State. If sidecars are for bitches, she can sit on my lap. Plus I have too many dudes on this guestlist.
10. Keyser Soze. Cause I need a Judas.
11. Tron, but ONLY if he lets me drive his Light Cycle OR Marty McFly if he agrees to letting me drive his Delorean (whoever sends in their RSVP first wins).
12. Neo from the Matrix.
Food provided by the Robot Number Seven from Benchwarmers.
Raspberry Iced Tea courtesy of Brisk.
Portrait painted by James Jean.
-M.Natti
3.29.2009
3.28.2009
GREATEST.INVENTION.EVER.*
I had some time in between class and work so I stopped by the local Mcdonalds to order myself my usual Wed. 10 pc. Chicken Nugget combo. Despite the shitty service the very young staff provides its customers, I was treated to a very very nice surprise....
If you dont know, Im a HUGE fan of ketchup. You know that really bad joke Uma Thurman tells John Travolta in Pulp Fiction? Well, in my past life, I think I was that short-fused father. There are foods that I just wont touch unless I know that there is an ample amount of ketchup available. What am I rambling about?
Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you:
Way better than the old school pumps In N Out uses! It works as simple as pulling the lever down and seeing the ketchup flow like baby tears in Octa-mom's house. Id like to think that the inventors name was Sam. Sam shares the same passion for ketchup as I do, but Sam has Carpal Tunnel, which led to him thinking of an easier way of dispensing ketchup.
Its the hoverboard, everlasting gobstopper and Midas touch all rolled into one except its REAL!!
*for the month of March
-M.Natti
If you dont know, Im a HUGE fan of ketchup. You know that really bad joke Uma Thurman tells John Travolta in Pulp Fiction? Well, in my past life, I think I was that short-fused father. There are foods that I just wont touch unless I know that there is an ample amount of ketchup available. What am I rambling about?
Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you:
THE KETCHUP FAUCET
Way better than the old school pumps In N Out uses! It works as simple as pulling the lever down and seeing the ketchup flow like baby tears in Octa-mom's house. Id like to think that the inventors name was Sam. Sam shares the same passion for ketchup as I do, but Sam has Carpal Tunnel, which led to him thinking of an easier way of dispensing ketchup.
Its the hoverboard, everlasting gobstopper and Midas touch all rolled into one except its REAL!!
*for the month of March
-M.Natti
3.25.2009
Gluttony never felt so good.
In a nation plagued with obesity, what better way to celebrate it then with a site full of nothing BUT high cholesterol, high fat, high everything that will kill you soon by way of a blocked artery.
Hot dogs covered in Mac N Cheese:
MmmMmMMMM...Pizza Cone:
Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger aka HEEEEAAAVEEEEN!!! (For Chi and Francis)
I know Im in poor health because my mouth started to drool with some of the pics on the site.
Want more? Ask and you shall receive my plus-size male and Lane-Bryant-shopping readers. My left side starts to go numb and I slightly seizure by just typing in the URL: www.thisiswhyyourefat.com
-M.FATti
Hot dogs covered in Mac N Cheese:
MmmMmMMMM...Pizza Cone:
Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger aka HEEEEAAAVEEEEN!!! (For Chi and Francis)
I know Im in poor health because my mouth started to drool with some of the pics on the site.
Want more? Ask and you shall receive my plus-size male and Lane-Bryant-shopping readers. My left side starts to go numb and I slightly seizure by just typing in the URL: www.thisiswhyyourefat.com
-M.FATti
3.22.2009
Not grosser than gross, but pretty gross.
Growing up in a Filipino Household I was always taught that a sign of respect was to greet your elders with a kiss on the cheek when you enter their house. Whether it be your Drunk Tito, Crying Tita, Senile Lolo/Lola or your gay uncle (we all have one, some at more severe degrees than others. But I would draw the line at the one that wears make up and crosses their legs like Sharon Stone in an interrogation room while they smoke a cigarette).
THANK GOD that I didnt grow up in a household where the obligatory greeting with a kiss on the cheek was, instead, an obligatory greeting with a kiss on the LIPS!!!! It makes me cringe....take your chubby cheeked gay aunt...the one that has a fade for a haircut, wears polo shirts, baggy denim jeans and studs in her ear and imagine her having sex with herself...thats how gross it is to me. Its not that parents do this in a pedophilic kind of way, its just common in some families/cultures.
F*CK THAT!
If thats the norm for certain sects of society, then let me lead the charge of mass genocide.
Like all traditions, this would carry onto adulthood. Take the hardest, meanest and toughest person you know....for that matter, take Kimbo Slice. Now imagine Slice had to get dropped off by his dad somewhere. They get to their destination and as he says bye, you catch him leaning over and kissing some random old dude on the lips. Thats like seeing a chollo being brought to tears listening to a Jonas Brothers song. No ones gonna be scared to fight him! I wouldnt be scared to fight him!!! Slap some lightweight shorts on me and get your camera ready to upload onto the internet and start recording. Ill be scrubbing my pots and pans wit his coarse beard in minutes.*
Love your kids, but dont love your kids.
*Mr.Slice, if you do in fact kiss your father on the lips and take offense to my words then you can reach me on my page here.
-M.Natti
THANK GOD that I didnt grow up in a household where the obligatory greeting with a kiss on the cheek was, instead, an obligatory greeting with a kiss on the LIPS!!!! It makes me cringe....take your chubby cheeked gay aunt...the one that has a fade for a haircut, wears polo shirts, baggy denim jeans and studs in her ear and imagine her having sex with herself...thats how gross it is to me. Its not that parents do this in a pedophilic kind of way, its just common in some families/cultures.
F*CK THAT!
If thats the norm for certain sects of society, then let me lead the charge of mass genocide.
Like all traditions, this would carry onto adulthood. Take the hardest, meanest and toughest person you know....for that matter, take Kimbo Slice. Now imagine Slice had to get dropped off by his dad somewhere. They get to their destination and as he says bye, you catch him leaning over and kissing some random old dude on the lips. Thats like seeing a chollo being brought to tears listening to a Jonas Brothers song. No ones gonna be scared to fight him! I wouldnt be scared to fight him!!! Slap some lightweight shorts on me and get your camera ready to upload onto the internet and start recording. Ill be scrubbing my pots and pans wit his coarse beard in minutes.*
Love your kids, but dont love your kids.
*Mr.Slice, if you do in fact kiss your father on the lips and take offense to my words then you can reach me on my page here.
-M.Natti
3.21.2009
3.20.2009
"Give me the f*cking keys, you f*cking c*ocksucker..."
Ever leave a 7/11 or convenience store and notice a number chart running along the trim of the door? Yeah, you know what Im talking about. Its almost always starts at with the number 5 and goes as high as the number 7.
You know what thats for? Its so the clerk or witnesses or camera can get an approximate height of anyone that tries to steal or rob or murder at said locations.
So instead of just saying the guy was black, they can add,"He was black and about 6 foot 5."
Pop Culture Points for you if you guessed the reference my title is making.
-M.Natti
You know what thats for? Its so the clerk or witnesses or camera can get an approximate height of anyone that tries to steal or rob or murder at said locations.
So instead of just saying the guy was black, they can add,"He was black and about 6 foot 5."
Pop Culture Points for you if you guessed the reference my title is making.
-M.Natti
3.18.2009
My HallMark Moment...
So my cousin JOV! wasnt feeling too well yesterday. He had to go to Urgent Care like a bitch. Being the loving cousin that I am, I sent him a "get well" picture message:
He's still alive, so I guess it worked.
-M.Natti
He's still alive, so I guess it worked.
-M.Natti
3.14.2009
Vinyl Envy
Its not his back-to-back-to-back DMC Championship titles.
Its not the episodes of Turntable TV that me and friends watched over and over on VHS in the Summer of '98. Lamb Chop!
Its not Track 11 on Wave Twisters.
Im jealous of DJ Qbert because he has his own toy:
One of my ultimate goals in life is to have a toy made in my image. Whether it be an action figure, vinyl or a cute plush. Youre probably thinking,"I think its cause you like the satisfaction of knowing that little kids will play with you." Well, youre kind of right. I want to walk down the toy section aisle and see me behind a clear plastic blister pack next to the likes of The Dark Knight or Megatron. I want to be in the care package parents send to their kids that are away for Summer camp (Yes, Fat Camp counts). I want to do an Ebay search of my name and see the words "Rare" or "Hard to Find" attached to the Vinyl Toy image of me positioned next to the blind box I was pulled out of thats part of the series of all things related to me.
Yes, this is how much I think about this stuff.
Gotta go, Im deciding which pair of Dunks will be packaged with me.
-M.Natti
Its not the episodes of Turntable TV that me and friends watched over and over on VHS in the Summer of '98. Lamb Chop!
Its not Track 11 on Wave Twisters.
Im jealous of DJ Qbert because he has his own toy:
One of my ultimate goals in life is to have a toy made in my image. Whether it be an action figure, vinyl or a cute plush. Youre probably thinking,"I think its cause you like the satisfaction of knowing that little kids will play with you." Well, youre kind of right. I want to walk down the toy section aisle and see me behind a clear plastic blister pack next to the likes of The Dark Knight or Megatron. I want to be in the care package parents send to their kids that are away for Summer camp (Yes, Fat Camp counts). I want to do an Ebay search of my name and see the words "Rare" or "Hard to Find" attached to the Vinyl Toy image of me positioned next to the blind box I was pulled out of thats part of the series of all things related to me.
Yes, this is how much I think about this stuff.
Gotta go, Im deciding which pair of Dunks will be packaged with me.
-M.Natti
3.13.2009
Listen to Joe Jackson.
Thanks Filipinos. First the Thriller routine in that prison in Cebu and now this shit:
-M.Natti
-M.Natti
3.11.2009
Oh Captain. My Captain.
Up until recently, Ive always fallen under the "good leader, GREAT follower" category. I never really cared for that spotlight, nor did I want that responsibility. Why? Because with responsibility comes the pressure of blame and example.
Moses and the Jews. Desert is spelled with one "S" because I dont want more than one.
Steven Seagal in Executive Decision. Why do I have to take point?!? Send B.D. Wong up there first. I cant do a roundhouse kick in that small tube!
Kobe. Ok, so Pig Miller and Devean can use their fame to their advantage, but hitting on the help during rehab is rape?!? (personal note: Yes)
In fact, I remember the first time I was put in a leadership role. I dont know what my 3rd grade teacher was thinking, but she put me in charge of a classroom full of my fellow 3rd graders while she stepped out for a few minutes. At the time, I was excited. Finally, I can make my presence known and establish some dominance. "Alex Santee, stay within the lines when you color!" "Leslie Kim, stop fiddling with your Pochacco pencil box and pay attention." All orders I saw myself giving in my inaugural minute as The Boss.
Unfortunately, things didnt go as planned.
The minute my teacher stepped out, I was bombarded with requests to go to the bathroom. And I of course didnt, nay, COULDNT deny them. I was sending my people to the bathroom like the smell of the urinal and the color of the tiles were on tomorrows test. Not wanting my people to suffer I was letting them go 2-3 people at a time. I was under the impression that I was doing a good job making sure that my peoples bladders were empty before our journey of a thousand milss began.
Little did I know that 3rd graders can be such deceptive bastards. They werent going to the bathroom!! We found Becky Wood and Denise Santos pushing each other on the swings. Nick Sifrit and Kacey Jay tied Jason Norres to the tetherball pole. There were a group of girls playing hopscotch and another group of boys playing caroms behind the shed where we kept all our balls.
I felt like Miss Piggy Tits from Lord of the Flies and everyone was throwing rocks at me!!
Nonetheless, order was restored once the teacher returned. She looked at me like it was my fault. In hindsight, how irresponsible was it to put a 3rd grader in charge of 3rd graders?!?
She shouldve thought it out better and at least left me with a gun
-M.Natti
Moses and the Jews. Desert is spelled with one "S" because I dont want more than one.
Steven Seagal in Executive Decision. Why do I have to take point?!? Send B.D. Wong up there first. I cant do a roundhouse kick in that small tube!
Kobe. Ok, so Pig Miller and Devean can use their fame to their advantage, but hitting on the help during rehab is rape?!? (personal note: Yes)
In fact, I remember the first time I was put in a leadership role. I dont know what my 3rd grade teacher was thinking, but she put me in charge of a classroom full of my fellow 3rd graders while she stepped out for a few minutes. At the time, I was excited. Finally, I can make my presence known and establish some dominance. "Alex Santee, stay within the lines when you color!" "Leslie Kim, stop fiddling with your Pochacco pencil box and pay attention." All orders I saw myself giving in my inaugural minute as The Boss.
Unfortunately, things didnt go as planned.
The minute my teacher stepped out, I was bombarded with requests to go to the bathroom. And I of course didnt, nay, COULDNT deny them. I was sending my people to the bathroom like the smell of the urinal and the color of the tiles were on tomorrows test. Not wanting my people to suffer I was letting them go 2-3 people at a time. I was under the impression that I was doing a good job making sure that my peoples bladders were empty before our journey of a thousand milss began.
Little did I know that 3rd graders can be such deceptive bastards. They werent going to the bathroom!! We found Becky Wood and Denise Santos pushing each other on the swings. Nick Sifrit and Kacey Jay tied Jason Norres to the tetherball pole. There were a group of girls playing hopscotch and another group of boys playing caroms behind the shed where we kept all our balls.
I felt like Miss Piggy Tits from Lord of the Flies and everyone was throwing rocks at me!!
Nonetheless, order was restored once the teacher returned. She looked at me like it was my fault. In hindsight, how irresponsible was it to put a 3rd grader in charge of 3rd graders?!?
She shouldve thought it out better and at least left me with a gun
-M.Natti
3.07.2009
Riter wanted
Rekwirements:
-Able to read and right at a grade skool level
-High tolerant four ignoranse and bad clothing
-2-3 yeers of Ebonics
-Rep Brooklyn dramatically
-Karisma
Interested? Please holla at me:
-Able to read and right at a grade skool level
-High tolerant four ignoranse and bad clothing
-2-3 yeers of Ebonics
-Rep Brooklyn dramatically
-Karisma
Interested? Please holla at me:
Econ 101
Sometimes you just hear/read things thats so good, you wish you wrote it:
Audio/Visual:
-M.Natti
Audio/Visual:
-M.Natti
3.06.2009
"....you the love of my life...."
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon is awesome!!!
His first guest last night was Donald Trump. What makes the show so awesome?? Not only are The Roots his house band, BUT they played "C.R.E.A.M." as Trump made his way to couch.
First Ron Howard on the "Blame It" video and now this.
I think I just Larry the Cable Guy kissing his phone...
-M.Natti
His first guest last night was Donald Trump. What makes the show so awesome?? Not only are The Roots his house band, BUT they played "C.R.E.A.M." as Trump made his way to couch.
First Ron Howard on the "Blame It" video and now this.
I think I just Larry the Cable Guy kissing his phone...
-M.Natti
3.02.2009
Addiction
I can go for my favorite drink right about now: Jack In the Box Oreo Cookie Milk Shake.
Tastes like heaven!!!
I can be in a room full of Evangeline Lilly's, Keri Hilson's (with better hair), Olivia Munn's, Danielle Fishel's (late Boy Meets World high school years, pre-College years where she joined the local Competitive Eating team and gained A LOT of weight; where it was believable that someone like Corey Mathews could land a chick of that caliber), Beyonce's (from the Irreplaceable video), Lauren London (Post NERD video, pre ATL with the slutty side of This Christmas) and Rosario Dawson's (ANY movie, even Deathproof where I totally didnt agree with her hairstyle) all auditioning for a role in a sex scene with me in the movie of my life (its Oscar material already). And if theres a thick Oreo Cookie Shake with a penis tipped swirly straw sticking out of it, you know Id suck the shit out of that shake like the Academy was watching.
I want one that bad....
-M.Natti
Tastes like heaven!!!
I can be in a room full of Evangeline Lilly's, Keri Hilson's (with better hair), Olivia Munn's, Danielle Fishel's (late Boy Meets World high school years, pre-College years where she joined the local Competitive Eating team and gained A LOT of weight; where it was believable that someone like Corey Mathews could land a chick of that caliber), Beyonce's (from the Irreplaceable video), Lauren London (Post NERD video, pre ATL with the slutty side of This Christmas) and Rosario Dawson's (ANY movie, even Deathproof where I totally didnt agree with her hairstyle) all auditioning for a role in a sex scene with me in the movie of my life (its Oscar material already). And if theres a thick Oreo Cookie Shake with a penis tipped swirly straw sticking out of it, you know Id suck the shit out of that shake like the Academy was watching.
I want one that bad....
-M.Natti
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