I think the first one goes back to '01-'02 before he ever shaved his moustache and showed his vagina lips. We were at the In N Out next to Citywalk. We were already half way done with our food when he shows up and tells us hes about to order. I put whats left of my burger down and tell Paul,"Yo, can you just order me a chive burger? Ill pay you when you get back, my hands are dirty." "Chive burger?" he asked with a puzzled look. "Yeah, its on their secret menu like Animal Style fries. They take their meat and ground it up with chives. Pretty good stuff." Id like to take a second to pat my self on the back as I made this all up as the conversation went along. Paul thought about for a second and said,"Cool, that sounds good. Let me get a bite." I bit my lip so hard trying not to laugh. So at this point everyone at the table knows this is a joke, so we stop eating and start counting down the people ahead of Paul so we know when hes next. Paul, being Paul, it wasnt hard to hear him from where we were sitting (the opposite end of the register). "Can I get a number 1, Animal style with grilled onions and a chive burger." The look on the persons face was priceless. "A what?" "A Chive Burger. CHIVE BURGER. On the secret menu." Paul started to mad as if THAT guy didnt know what HE was doing. "They mix in the chives with the meat you know and..." its at the second he realized something and looked back to all of us laughing at him. The person at the register couldnt hold it in and eventually cooking in the kitchen stopped for about 5 minutes while everyone laughed and pointed at Paul. Classic.
Another time Paul and I were in the drive thru of Taco Bell. By this time, he knows that he cant take me seriously...WITH ANYTHING....and at this point in our friendship he's on red alert with me and ordering food. So I give him the order for my 2 Chalupas, and before ordering he ALWAYS checks the menu to make sure that what I ordered is REALLY on there. He spots the picture and starts to order, BUT mid way through the order I hurriedly say,"Oh shit, Fence Taco. Fence Taco." "What?" as he gives me that furrowed,perplexed eye brow look when hes confused. "Fence Taco, they use a special pan to create a fence look. Just trust me, Ill give you a bite." Surprisingly, he believes me. "And a Fence taco." "Que?" the worker says through the box. "FENCE TACO!. You guys use a...." he looks at me as Im laughing hysterically and all of a sudden I hear through the Taco Bell squawk box and bunch of Mexicans laughing like George Lopez just started his PM shift.
Youd think at this age stories like this would just be that. Stories. No new entries for anyone to log in. Right.
WRONG.
This past weekend Dave had a house party for his 28th bday (5/5, BiF). There were a lot of people and a lot of crowded space in the living room/kitchen and in the back.
Joey and I went to the side of the house to get some fresh air because it was a bit congested. Randomly, there was a big 4'x5' piece of plywood leaning on the side of Daves house and written on it in big white letters was "YARD SALE" with a big white arrow.
By now everyone is a little, some a lot, inebriated (among other things). I pick it up and walk towards the back of the house where everyone was kicking it in front of the sliding door. Joey asks me where Im going with it and I told him to shut up and pull his pants up because Im never making out with him. I get to the back of the house and who do I see? Paul.
Either I was really that drunk that I was believable or Paul was just that faded that he would believe anything because I ran to him and handed him this huge sign. "Dave needs it!" I told him that its a rush and he needs to hurry because I cant get past the barricade of chairs Dave set up for the party (really, I was just moving the same chair in front of me). With little convincing Paul agreed to take this splintered piece of wood through a barrage of people in the back through the sliding door and into a crowded living room. My friend Jason saw what I was doing and went along with it by starting to yell,"Hey guys, get out of the way. Paul has to take this huge sign inside!!"
As soon as he gets it inside Dave automatically looks at the sign then at Pauls caught like a deer in headlights face believing Dave needed it right away and yelled,"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!? WHAT THE FUCK MAN, DUDE. TAKE THAT SHIT BACK FROM WHERE YOU GOT IT!!"
Ive never seen Paul so pissed off and Ive never seen people at a party laugh so hard that beer came out of their nose. The first thing Paul says to me is,"FUCK YOU! You always do this shit to me." He was still holding the sign.
-M.Natti
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